By Debbie Ceresa, as seen on Cupid’s Pulse.
“I don’t regret getting the divorce,” a close friend confided recently. “It’s more resentment. My ex seems to be moving on with his life so easily. I fear I may never find someone I can trust again.” Sound familiar? Many divorcees can relate to these circumstances, and celebrity couples are no exception. We saw it play out in Hollywood with celebrity exes Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon, who handled a private and painful break-up in the public eye. Inevitably, two people who have ended their relationship and love with each other must move forward. Most of us hope to get a second chance at love, but sometimes, that isn’t the case, and you find yourself standing still while your ex moves on.
Post-Divorce Expert Dating Advice
My expert dating advice is to take ownership of your feelings, complete yourself, and forgive. You need to be able to handle this change while preparing yourself for your own happiness.
1. Take ownership of your feelings: Often times, in failed relationships, one or both partners misunderstand emotional responsibility. What does this mean? Take a minute and think about the many arguments or disagreements you had during your marriage. Do you find yourself saying that your partner made you mad? Instead of owning your feelings, you’re blaming someone else. As a relationship expert, I can tell you the result: If you aren’t able to look at your own emotions, you’re creating a victim mentality, which will certainly land you in an emotional jail of your own making.
2. Ask yourself, “Am I getting over a relationship or getting complete?”: The first thing we think of when someone recommends “getting over” a relationship is to forget, but is it really possible to not remember falling in love with someone or having children together? Consider my expert dating advice, and find closure in your relationship by writing down your unrealized dreams and expectations. Think about some of the things that never materialized during your marriage. Keep your notebook in a safe and private place. Remember that it’s for you to think about and not share. You may discover writing gives you an opportunity to look honestly at the situation. Making a list of your broken hopes in your personal notebook is a step towards forgiveness.
3. Forgive and be free: I recognize that insensitive, uncaring, and even evil actions by your ex hurt you terribly. However, if you persist in holding onto your resentful and unforgiving mentality, you will only continue to hurt yourself. An important aspect of recovery is remembering that forgiveness is designed to empower you. You’re not condoning negative aspects of your marriage. Set yourself free by recognizing what was incomplete during your relationship.
There are few things more painful than realizing the person you once loved so deeply has found love with another. The feelings of inadequacy and doubt can take a beating on your heart and your hope for a happy future. But, by taking control of your emotions and owning those feelings, focusing on building inner strength, and allowing forgiveness to release those feelings that weigh you down, you are preparing yourself for a future filled with hope, happiness, and, perhaps, a second chance at everlasting love.
