Do you remember the last time you moved or survived a home repair or remodel project? We’ve all experienced both the pain and joy at one time or another . Many of my friends cringed when I described the recent renovation at our home. My husband and I decided to replace the worn carpeting in our bedrooms with hardwood floors. That’s right, we needed to empty not only the bedrooms but the closets as well. It was amazing to see all of the “stuff” that accumulated during the short time we’ve lived in Arizona.
Last night, as I sifted through a box of sentimental cards and newspaper articles, I found a small, hard cover journal. A hibiscus flower adorned the front of the book and I couldn’t remember why I saved it. But when I opened the pink and green cover, I saw my mom’s handwriting. Vaguely, I remembered finding her little journal after she died.
The first page was dated January 1997, the year she was diagnosed with lung cancer. She wrote about her fear of her surgery the following day and wondered if she would survive. The next several pages were dedicated to her five children, starting with me as the oldest and working her way to the baby, my sister.
I sat in the midst of boxes and dust marveling at the gift I found from my mom, no longer agonizing over the mess.
To Debbie,
I’m so proud of all you have accomplished. You have a good husband and two beautiful children, Jenny and Jason. Who could ask for more? Continue on, but don’t give too much of yourself to others. I want you to enjoy your grandkids too.
Love you much,
Mom
P.S. We had a great family, didn’t we?
Her last line bothered me. I read through the other entries addressed to my brothers and sister noticing the same line at the end of her message. “We had a great family, didn’t we?”
Did she doubt herself as a mother? Or did she want all of us to remember the love she had for each of us?
I think as mothers we all doubt ourselves at one time or another. My mom’s message was deeper, she wanted us to remember what was important to her:
-
Love for her children.
-
Pride in her children’s many accomplishments.
-
Unwavering love of family and the need to remain as a family.
Mom’s journal was a found treasure in the midst of many boxes of memorabilia. The book was an early Mother’s Day present to me, one from the past, but a true reminder of what it means to be a mother.
Yes, Mom, we did have a great family then and now. You’d be proud of all of your children, grandchildren and the many great grandchildren you weren’t able to meet. Thank you for showing us what it means to be a mother.
Happy Mother’s Day, Mom!
